Unsettling signs

I don't remember the first time I noticed it. I know it has been months, probably most of her life. The nagging feeling was small at first, and was easy for me to brush off as a side effect of the rough start she had. Now though, it is impossible to ignore, and frankly, it scares me a little bit. There is something not right with Naomi.

With the exception of walking, Naomi has always been my "slow" child. She took her first steps at nine months, which was earlier than the others, but everything else she figured out slower than her older siblings. I thought nothing of it, and still don't really, as babies learn at there own pace. However, there are a few things she learned late (or even hasn't yet) that do concern me. She doesn't communicate with us. She doesn't wave, point, reach out to be picked up, and certainly does not talk. She will scream when she wants something (anything, really), but that is it. We have tried to get her to sign, and she looks at us like we are crazy. She does not like to make eye contact with most people-really only Daddy. She shuts down in crowds, and will just stare off into space like nobody is there. In fact, she does that a lot at home, too. She is finally starting to really play with toys, more than carrying them around and chewing on them, but that is a very recent thing now that she is almost 15 months. More than all of this, there is just something off with her. I really think I've known it a long time. She was hard to get to smile as a baby, and there are so many times that I try to look in her eyes, and she won't look back, and something is just... missing.

I talked to her pediatrician at one year, and he basically said because she had a few words (oh, and btw, she no longer uses all but five of those words, and only uses those five when you initiate it, like looking at her and saying "mamamamama", she will copy you), she could walk, and she would look at you and smile. I regret now not pushing the matter, not trusting my gut. He said she'd catch up, but now that almost another three months have gone by, and she is still not doing many of the things a child her age does, and is talking even less... I'm having doubts she will.

I can't help but wonder if her development has been slowed by her rough start. I know she did not get enough calories in the first six months of life, if not longer, due to all of her medical issues. My hope and prayer is that she was just slowed down a bit, and with some work we can overcome those obstacles. I'm quite sure most people who read this will know my biggest fear, though, and considering we have high suspicions that Rich has an undiagnosed case of Asperger's, the chance is higher.

I'm making an appointment, and praying I'll be taken seriously this time. I want to find out what is wrong with my baby, so we can work to improve it if possible, or at least so we can know and learn to care for her the way that she needs. Please be praying for us, and for little Naomi, that we can get to the bottom of this and figure out what exactly is going on.

New Routine

I have never been a morning person. Not a day in my life. I would happily sleep until 10-11am each day. Only problem with that is that my kids are morning people. I think this is a wonderful example of God using my life circumstances to shape and mold me more and more into His likeness. (Not to say you have to get up early to be a "good Christian", but the bible does talk about laziness and what becomes of the lazy man)

I have desired for a long time to be a more productive person, and to be the kind of wife and mother God has called me to be. Yet I admit that an area I have often struggled is staying on top of chores. Oh, sure, I make a real effort to keep my living room tidy and my kitchen as clean as possible with four young kids, but my laundry room seems to always be on the verge of imploding, there is always clutter here and there and everywhere, and my room... yeah, lets not go there.

So today is my first day in making some big changes. I am determined to start getting up with Rich on a daily basis. Perhaps not quite as early as him (sorry folks, 4:30 is pushing it a tad for me), but early enough to have breakfast with him and to spend a little time with him in the quiet of the early (read pre-dawn, as my kids seem to wake up with the sun) morning. I am equally determined to work on finding a balance between chores, the kids schooling, eating (yes, I often forget this one), and having a bit of "me" time each day. I fully intend on hammering out a great hour by hour schedule, as sticking to a schedule will probably be my only hope for realistically achieving this on a daily basis, but I have to work on it a bit more. It will probably be a week or two before I come up with one that will work well, as teaching four children to follow the same schedule is tricky, and I will probably need to make adjustments as I find what works and what doesn't.

Today is my first day of getting up early, and is going to be my day to get caught up on areas of the house that have been rather neglected since Ruth was born. We have a pretty busy weekend ahead, so I guess Monday will be my first day attempting to cram everything into one short day. I am strangely excited about this, but we'll see how long that lasts. ;)

Life right now

Ruth Anne is just seven days away from being one month old. What a crazy time it has been! The first week home we had an appointment every day, and Rich and I were getting no sleep because it took so long to feed her. I would nurse her for an hour, then Rich would finger feed her, then we'd start over an hour and a half after we were done. I questioned if it was really worth it a couple of times, but now that things are going so well, it is easy to say it was.

These days Ruth is eating every three hours, with one longer stretch in the night. I am surprisingly rested most days, which is nice. She can be difficult to get to sleep at times, but thankfully there are still times she conks right out. She has smiled a few times, and is starting to hold her head up for 10-15 seconds at a time. She is already in 3mo clothing, although some is still a tad big. NB didn't fit long at all. She still looks so much like me, and is just a joy.

The other kids seem to finally all be responding well. Elli and Tobiah have been thrilled with her from day one, although Tobiah does seem to be acting out even more than he was at the end of my pregnancy. Naomi finally tried to play with her on Saturday, and seems to be getting used to things, although she still pushes Ruth around and climbs on her if we try to put them together for a picture. I guess that is just typical 14 month old behavior, though. I also really wonder how much of her whining, crying, and tantrums were related to the molars she just got.

Life is starting to get into a "new normal" for us. Now I just need to add on more chores each day, and Elli and Tobiah's schooling. We'll get there, I am sure. My goal is to start the kid's schooling back up by the first week of May, as Elli has a lot of catch up to be ready for 1st grade next September. We'll have to work through the summer, but then, that is the beauty of homeschooling, if you have something like having a baby come up, you can take a break and work at other times.

At least for now things have settled down, and are going really well. What a complete relief after everything I have gone through in the beginning of each of my kid's lives. Hopefully things will just continue to fall into a routine, and life will be as sane as possible with four kids, three under three.

March 18th, 2011

The story of Ruth:

Things started a couple of days before little Ruth made her appearance. Tuesday evening/night I was having horrible cramping and lower back pain for several hours off and on, and it got so bad that night that it woke me up. Wednesday was more of the same off and on all day, and by that night I had had enough, and even though I knew I was not in labor, I sent my kids to a friend's and went in to labor and delivery. I got exactly what I wanted-a sleep aid followed by a full nights sleep. I was very uncomfortable when I woke up, so Rich decided to stay home rather then go in late. We had a pretty pleasant day. Got some stuff around the house done, and even made a trip to my favorite consignment store so I could get a (very unneeded) special outfit for Ruth. By the end of the day, I was even more uncomfortable, and rather tired.

On Wednesday, Rich had called the midwives and basically told them what was going on with the cramping, back pain, and how tired I was from not sleeping in a week, as well as the concerns I had about waiting much longer. They said the earliest they would do an induction was Sunday (when I would be 39 weeks), but basically said they would probably do it. So I had my mind wrapped around making it until my appointment Friday when we would discuss everything, and was hoping that they really would induce. I was a tad disappointed that I was here again, planning on being induced, when I had wanted so badly to go into labor naturally this time. I was desperate to be done, though, so I was ok with it.

By the time we started getting ready for bed on Thursday, I was very tired and frustrated when nothing I did to get comfortable worked. We got in bed around 9pm, and within minutes the contractions started. These felt different, and I knew what was happening, but was not ready to believe it. I did tell Rich I didn't think he was going to work the next day, which was a tad funny as we'd gone to great lengths to think of the best way for him to get to work so we could both go to my midwife appointment. Half an hour later I knew I it was the real thing, and decided to call to figure out when they wanted me to leave, considering it was going to take us an hour to get there between dropping the kids off and driving out there. Unfortunately, I did not have the phone number for the oncall midwife, and when we tried to figure out who to call, I somehow got transfered to a consulting nurse. Lets just say she greatly aggravated me. She did tell me to go in, though, so we started rushing around getting last minute things ready, and got the kids in the car. I knew there was no way I would be going home as soon as I got up to get ready to leave, as I started bleeding. Who ever thought a person would be excited about bleeding?

We started the memory making on the way to drop off the kids, as I was in labor and we had two screaming kids in the car. Lets just say they were not at all happy about being woken up. We got to my friend's house and dropped the kids off. Tobiah finally stopped crying when Heather put a movie on for them. I later found out that Naomi refused to go back to sleep, and did nothing but scream in the play pen, and get up and play when put between the older kids on the bed on the floor to sleep.

As we drove to the hospital, I was thinking about how close I came to giving up on my hearts desire to go into labor naturally, and how different and exciting it was to not only to that, but to be having a baby early. This was also, out of my four labors, the only time I experienced waiting for labor to start, and going in when it did. Might seem like an unimportant little thing, but it was special to me, and something I wanted to experience.

We got to the hospital at about midnight, and were taken back to triage and I was hooked up to the monitors. The nurse checked me, and I was at a 4. I was very excited, as this would be my first labor that I did not need an IV for. After laying there for what seemed like an eternity, they came in and said they wanted the baby to wake up more, and had me drink a bunch of water. After sitting for even longer, they came in and explained that they were seeing some bad heart variations, where her heart rate dropped after every contraction. I was then told I needed an IV. So much for that one! I managed to talk her into using the back of my hand, which usually hurts way less, but for some reason she got it into my vein, but could not get the tube to go in. So I had to be stuck again. I had a horrific bruise that I actually managed to re-bruise part of a few days later. Needless to say that was probably one of the most painful IVs I have ever had.

The next time I saw anybody, it was about 3am, and I had done nothing but lay on that uncomfortable triage bed. Right before they came in, things had started to really pick up, and I could tell I was going into transition, but when she came in, I had only had maybe 3-4 of those contractions. When she came in, she checked me again, and much to my complete dismay, I was still at a 4. I was rather frustrated, knowing had I been able to walk around not only would I most likely have progressed more by that point, but I may not have needed the IV as laying down during labor has caused heart variations with all of my kids. The nurse left to go talk to the midwife to see what she wanted to have me do, and I was left waiting almost in tears from sheer frustration. When she came back, I was completely shocked at what she had to say-the midwife wanted to send me home! I was livid, and devastated, because nobody would listen to me. I knew if I went home, I would have to just turn right around, and would be risking having the baby on the side of the freeway, not to mention going through transition sitting in a car. She had offered me either morphine or a sleep aid like I had had the night before, and just the thought of being groggy going through labor was more than I could handle. I told her I did not want to go home, that I knew I was in labor, and that things were picking up, and finally just said that if they sent me home, I was not coming back, and would just have the baby there. That seemed to get her attention, and she talked to the midwife again and they agreed to let me walk around for a bit.

Walking was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was exhausted, and these were the really hard contractions that I usually wanted to be in the tub during. I was also upset that I had actually been contemplating an epidural, but had had that option taken away from me by being forced to stay in triage so long. I walked until I could no longer take it, probably about an hour. I went back to triage needing to pee really badly, and of course somebody was in the bathroom, so I stood waiting for probably 25 minutes. By the time I was done, it was getting close to 5am, and I was starting to feel more and more like I was going to need to push soon. I had Rich go and find the nurse, and she checked me and I was at an 8. I felt like rubbing her nose in it, but I knew it had not been her call to want to send me home. They finally decided to take me to a laboring room, and by the time I got in bed the horrible transition contractions were over. I had a couple more, and told them I was starting to feel like I needed to push, but when they checked me my bag of water was more or less slowing things way down by bobbing her back up after each contraction, so I agreed to let them break my water. She had managed to poop before they broke my water, so they had to call the pediatrician, and once again I heard them telling them to come fast. Second baby in a row the pediatrician had to rush in for the birth. She was born after I think 4-5 pushes about 10 minutes after I got to my room. Her apgar was 9/10, almost perfect. (Tobiah's was perfect ;) ) I got to hold her skin to skin while Rich cut the cord, and you know what? The stinker peed and pooped on me within minutes of birth.

After things had settled down, they moved me to a recovery room, which just so happened to be one room down. The hospital stay is kind of a blur after that, as I was completely exhausted after laboring all night, but it was a pleasant stay from there on out. We got left mostly alone, and greatly enjoyed our time alone to bond with our new baby. Because she was born at 5:24am, we had to stay another night and ended up leaving about noon the next day, but for the first time I was in no rush to get home after having a baby. I instead soaked up every moment of the quiet Rich and I got with her, knowing my life would be crazy when we got home-which it was.

So that is the (very long) story of my third beautiful daughter's birth. And it only took me three and a half weeks to finish writing it. :)